Winding Down: A Window Pane on Parting

©2018 Susan Noyes Anderson

image by Mosoianu Bogdan on Unsplash

We sit.
She, burgundy chair.
Me, blue leather sofa.
Like so many times
before, days of yore.
She used to watch me,
claim me, eyes love-lit.
I’d blush. You’re staring, Mom.
But I put up with it.

She watches still.
Soft hazel eyes,
once bright
stare past me now
devoid of mother-light.
Unclaimed, I try
to hold her eyes
with mine. Be seen,
be heard, be known,
wait for a sign.

Sure love you, Mom.
My voice, too soft,
falls lonely.
I love you.
Louder now and yet
unheard.
Oh, for a word!
Heart plummeting,
I yield
or nearly so.
Mom’s moving on
beyond me.
This I know.

We sit.
She, burgundy chair.
Me, blue leather sofa.
Like so many times
before, days of yore.
Between us, coffee table,
stool, my longing.
I lift a hand,
small wave from
distant shore.

Sunrise. As if on strings,
her elbow bends.
One weathered hand responds.
The distance ends.
I blow a kiss; she smiles.
Ghost smile, but true.
Small fingers pressed to lips,
she blows back two.
I twist my hands in
semblance of a heart.
She follows suit and
claims me, every part.

Time pauses;
eye to eye
our spirits touch.
So many years remembered,
sweetly shared.
I love you, Mom.
Once more, her
light shines through.
Sun to my soul,
she speaks.
I love you, too.

∞§∞

The onset of dementia is an inexplicable sorrow for loved ones, and my family is no different. I can imagine few things more heartbreaking than watching my lovely, intelligent mother decline in capacity day by day. How I miss her insights, her humor, her comfort, even her criticism (though she rarely aimed any in my direction). I miss her sudoku, her crossword puzzles, her Kindle, her love for reality TV talent shows. I miss her delight in See’s candy, small dogs, and Swedish pancakes. I miss her cooking, her curiosity, her crazed kitchen cleaning.

Yes, I miss her, but I am also grateful for the pieces of her that are left to me. This poem shares a moment that I will treasure always. Maybe it will resonate with you.

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