For Tony

©1993 by Susan Noyes Anderson

From now on
when I think of chemo
I will think of you

vomiting in tupperware bowls
retching in the corners
of emergency rooms
storming the oncology unit
wheelchair blazing
begging with dignity
denied but not beaten
collapsing on stone cold benches
shivering in cold stone lobbies

How do you spell dehumanizing
D-R A-B-J-O-U
an Indian fellow
not related in the least
to Gandhi

Hell has frozen over
a phenergan drip
with ringers
IV fluids
saved for the moment
in and out of consciousness
until the next time

Chemotherapy
shortcut to intimacy
a fate better than death
but only
just